What kind of pathetic over-governed Wimpocracy are we living in when a pair of toy cuffs, the like of which all aspiring junior detectives owned during my childhood and which a genuine criminal such as Bobby 'Killer' Krantz (don't ask) would sneer at, are reason to convict - yes convict! - an amorous young buck?
Young buck? Ooh! That sounds like...
Kinky sex toy cuffed by court
MATT Sellwood was having a fun night fooling around in the back of his car with his girl, but the 19-year-old had no idea a set of pink fluffy handcuffs would bring his evening to an unexpected climax.
In fact, Sellwood almost ended up getting cuffed by a lot less desirable participant and quickly learned Queensland Police Service handcuffs do not have fluff, but keys.
After playing with the novelty cuffs in his car with his girlfriend, he hooked them on his jeans and walked through the Broadwater car park, where police were keeping an eye on Saturday night hoons on July 9.
When questioned by officers, he said the cuffs were his latest 'fashion accessory' and that he bought them from a sex shop.
Sellwood was then charged with possessing a restricted item and police gave him a notice to appear in court.
Yesterday at Southport Magistrates Court he pleaded guilty to the charge, telling Magistrate Ron Kilner he did not know the handcuffs were illegal.
"I bought them at Sexpo," he said.
Mr Kilner convicted him of the offence but ordered no further punishment and told him he was free to go.
Outside court, Sellwood, from Brisbane, warned others to keep their cuffs behind closed doors.
"I didn't know I couldn't have them," he said.
"They are pretty harmless, if someone puts them on you, you can unlock it yourself. There's no key, just a latch to undo them."
Handcuffs could be bought in sex shops for less than $20 and came in a variety of colours, even leopard print.
Sellwood said they had been a hit with his girlfriend.
"We had just been playing around with them in the car," he said.
"Next time I'll keep them in the bedroom."
Gold Coast solicitor Cameron Browne said it did not matter if handcuffs were kept in public or in private, they were still illegal under the Weapons Act.
"Unfortunately it's possible a kinky game can put an undesirable kink in a person's criminal record," he said.
"Simply possessing the items can amount to an offence."
He said many people ended up on hand-cuff charges when police raided their homes for other reasons and came across the bedroom toys.
"Over the years I've seen a number of people charged with possession of items they were unaware were illegal," said Mr Browne, "even in the privacy of your own home or bedroom.
"Having fluff on the handcuffs doesn't entitle a person to a defence under the law."
Sellwood said he thought being charged over a set of fluffy cuffs was 'pathetic'.
He said although the toys had been confiscated, he had bought some replacements.
"I don't care what anyone says, my girlfriend loves them," he said.
One sympathises with the young Mr Sellwood. This truly is pathetic.
One's only criticism is that perhaps he and his young lady shouldn't have been mucking about thus in as public a carpark as the location mentioned. Some Hinterland lay-bys are much more private.
Oops, what a giveaway...