LOCALLY made television drama failed to feature in the Top 50 TV programs for the first half of the year...
...The latest figures point to an industry in dire straits, mirrored by the lacklustre debut of Channel 9's outback drama The Alice and the meagre offerings from the ABC.
ABC head of drama Scott Meek has warned that Federal Government funding cuts meant the network could be forced to axe all local drama.
And you have all the usual suspects wondering why. Here's the connection back to 1988:
Yes we had Neighbours and Home & Away, but there was also a very fine run of one-off TV dramas, miniseries, sketch comedies and documentaries.
So what happened?
The answer is simple. Australian-made television is 99.9% rubbish.
Let's take a look at all the ingreidents which go to make up a good TV show:
The Producers: Too long weaned at the breast of public funding, Australian producers are immune to the commerical realities that would force them to create a viable commerical product.
The Writers: Having lived for too long in the rarefied air of university leftism, most writers fall into one of two traps - labour every single social justice sermon or go completely juvenile.
Secondly the characters are more chariactures ("she's got to have an angle - I know let's make her a lawyer, a single mother who lives with her own mother")
Thirdly the plotting is cliched ("Oh no, our tough as nails lady cop is now being stalked" - yawn).
The Actors: Can we please ban Steve Bisley (sorry, mate), Peter Phelps, ex-Neighbours/H&A people and Georige Parker? Same old faces doing the same lame old plots - for crying out loud, we're bored.
If the entertainment industry was really interested in producing quality television that rated well it needs to do the following:
1. All actors, directors, writers, producers are subject to a three-strikes clause - after your third dud you are sent into the outer wilderness known as the real world where you will have to get a real job.
2. To satisfy the public's seemily interminable obsession with reality TV, a variation of Project Greenlight in which anyone who feels they have the talent can plot and stage a 15 minute excerpt from their proposed TV series which will be played on a basic set with unknown theatre veterans. The winner in various categories will have a pilot commissioned. The public will decide if it is worth supporting for 13 weeks.
3. All TV series will be 13 weeks long per season.
4. All TV series will be developed with an eye for overseas sales (it's the only way it's going to pay for itself).
Simple.
-- Nora
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