Friday, August 12, 2005

Law And Order: Special Investigations Unit

Tonight on Special Investigations, the team investigates whether there is any Criminal Intent. Are they a part of a Special Victims Unit? Where will end up? Perhaps in a Trial By Jury?

Law And Order: Special Investigations Unit

Keeping the blogosphere safe for intelligent, right-thinking people is the elite squad known as the Special Investigations Unit.

These are their stories.

Doink Doink

Tim Blair as the Captain, affectionately known as the 'Blogfather'
Mike Jericho as now retired investigator Anubis
Nick Charles as the DA
Nora Charles as a socialite detective and Nick's current love interest

Special Guest Stars:
Gold Coast City Councillor Greg Betts
Prosecutor and former T-man Paul Volcker
Benon Sevan former UN Oil For Food boss
ASIO agents as ASIO agents

Tonight's episode: Conflicts of interest

Tim: Okay team what do you have this week?

Mike: I just got off the phone to ASIO they've spoken to the Australian Nuclear Science and Technology Organisation and they'll place pressure on Google to censor maps would tell any half-witted terrorist the layout of the Lucas Heights nuclear reactor.

Tim: Good work, now get on the surveillance of Islamic terrorists.

Nora: My case is somewhat closer to home. Nick and I are looking at allegations regarding developer donations and conflicts of interest at City Hall.

Tim: I've been following similar allegations in the investigation of Benon Sevan from the United Nations and his conflict of interest while administering the Oil For Food Program (as well as fielding nuisance calls from William Hardiker).

Nora: We've had our local officials under surveillance for some time and one of them, Councillor Greg Betts, said something interesting this week:

Cr Betts said he had believed he could make unbiased decisions despite knowing the identities of the fund's donors.

"A conflict of interest can only be decided by the person involved," he said. "If you're comfortable that you can make an unbiased decision, then you don't have a conflict of interest."

Nora: That doesn't jibe with the guidelines for councillors set out by the Queensland Crime and Misconduct Commission:

Why should I worry about public perception if my conscience is clear?
The effectiveness of the council depends on public confidence in the integrity of its personnel — councillors and staff. If the public suspect the worst, your reputation and that of the council will be damaged, however sure you may be of your ground. So, even if you are certain your motives and actions are beyond reproach, you should avoid involvement in anything that could be construed as being influenced by personal interests.

Tim: Nick, stop snogging your wife and tell us about what we should be looking for in these conflict of interest cases.

Nick: You'll have my written response in a couple of days.

Cut to commercial break.

Feeling thirsty? Looking for that special drink to enjoy tonight's episode of Law And Order: Special Investigations Unit? (cue the sounds of the Buena Vista Social Club)

Try The Cuban Crime Of Passion

1 part Captain Morgan Original spiced rum
1 part Bacardi light rum
1 part Malibu coconut rum
1 part triple sec
1 part pineapple juice

Pour all the ingredients into a mixer glass, shake violently, and then pour the mixture into a tall glass with ice.

Special Investigations, brought to you by The Cocktail Of The Week

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