Sunday, May 21, 2006

One Law For Them

Glancing through the latest celebrity gossip one is rather bemused by the necessity to invent new laws to prevent stupid people from doing stupid and harmful things.

While in favour of maximum personal responsibility and minimum government intervention, two new laws designed to impose commonsense demonstrates the need to keep Hollywood types on a short leash.

Exhibit A:
Warbling pop tart Britney Spears will have more than a perfume and a half hearted singing career to her name, after California politicians introduced a bill forcing parents to face child car seats backwards if they are less than one year old.

The dumb blonde was photographed with her eight-month-old son, Sean Preston, slumped in a forward-facing seat a few months after being photographed driving off with the child on her lap.

Exhibit B:
Hyperactive midget Tom Cruise lends his name to a law introduced to ban selling ultrasound machines to anyone but licensed medical professionals, after he bought one for fiancee Katie Holmes.

So, accepting that idiot celebities need laws to tell them to do things that people who actually use their brains for independent thought already take for granted, what other laws should we have?

The Susan Sarandon Law
Actors should be seen and not heard except for promoting their next movie.

Penalty for straying on to subjects they're not qualified to talk about: 10 years no red carpet photography and interviews.

The Charlie Sheen Law
A law to stop any person denying the absolutely bleeding obvious in favour of a convoluted conspriacy theory to fit personal biases.

Penalty: 5 years watching Major League II in an a continuous loop until permanent catatonia ensues.

The Jude Law
Philandering movie stars caught cheating on the person with whom they had conspired to cheat on someone else will be sentenced 15 years hard labour as Rosie O'Donnell's full time semi-naked house boy.

Any other laws you'd like to see enacted? Just drop us a line.

In the meantime enjoy:

Straight Law
1 1/2 oz dry sherry
3/4 oz gin
Stir ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.

-- Nora

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