Flatfoot Flip-Flops

Once upon a time, if moral and social standards defined by common sense could not curb an individual's bad behaviour, the police were there as a back-up, to caution and to cause to move on, or, if the offence warranted, be the arresting frontline of legal sanction.

Now, however, they just make sure you don't hurt yourself when you're so drunk in public you can barely stand:

DRUNK women are to be issued with free thongs by British police to stop them falling over in high-heeled shoes. Officers will distribute the footwear outside nightclubs as part of a $70,000 publicly funded scheme to prevent "alcohol-related harm".

The move has been prompted by fears that women wearing stilettos or similar footwear could twist or sprain an ankle on the way home after a night out. Officials claim female revellers risk cutting the soles of their feet by walking home barefoot.

The thongs... will be given to anyone whose own footwear is "uncomfortable, inappropriate or soiled" and will be paid for using a Government grant.

A dim, slightly whiny voice of complaint just gets in:

Matthew Elliott, chief executive of the TaxPayers' Alliance, said: "People don't pay their taxes for drunk women to get free flip-flops."

Taxes.

In another once-upon-a-time, there would have been howls of outrage at public drunkenness being so common and the gutter level to which so large a section of society has fallen, particularly women, who have learned that 'girls can do anything' means drinking until you 'soil' your shoes by vomiting over your own feet.

Here's an alternative suggestion to the police handing out 'flip-flops' - immediate detention and conveyance to a drunk tank, with 3 arrests for public drunkenness resulting in commitment to a psychiatric facility for 72 hours drying out and observation, plus compulsory participation in an ongoing alcoholics treatment program for one year, to be paid for not with taxes but by the offender.

-- Nick